The Pangs of the (un)Fatherhood

As I grow older, I grow continuously grateful for my parents. Looking back, I probably wasn't the best child, and I'm sure I have given my mom and dad their fair share of parental headaches, disappointments, and worries. But the older I get, the more I "understand."

Larry and Berdeanna Plooster...five star parents.

My mom and dad have always been there for me. Dad with his view that life isn't supposed to be easy, but a learning experience; and Mom with her unceasing love, support, and never ending words of encouragement. American poet Robert Frost said, "You don't have to deserve your mother's love; you do have to deserve your father's." I certainly felt that to be true in my upbringing, but it was a team effort with Mom and Dad. One needs their mother's love and support to brave the challenges of earning their father's approval.

As a fledging yuppy (or trying to be...) in a "new and foreign land" while also finishing my graduate degree, I am constantly finding myself saying, "Wow, Dad was right!" From the proper way of preparing certain French dishes and tying knots to choosing good media and being a professional in a difficult environment, the countless lessons my father instilled in me over the years are paying dividends today.

I was blessed with a great mother and father who made family their first priority, and I was surrounded by extended family, friends, and neighbors who have done the same. Yet here I sit, on the verge of being a quarter centenarian...childless. When I was a senior in high school, I had a solid roadmap for life. Among many things, it said that when I graduate from college at the young age of 22, I would be married and have 1.5 children. (It also said I'd be a nurse, drive a Cadillac, and be living in Pocatello). Oh how the tables have turned...

A few times a week, I take a walk from my apartment down the road to an outdoor mall to get some exercise and a little sun. Sometimes I'll take a textbook to read, or I'll stop in Barnes & Noble to buy a magazine. As I perch on the amphitheater-style steps overlooking the fountains, there are dozens of children running around the square. Their moms and dads stand back and gleefully watch their children be children. Occasionally a youngster will fall and scrap their knee, and run to their parents for a comforting hug. My heart just melts.

One of the most important lessons my father taught me
was the value of a good education...both a formal university
education as well as learning opportunities throughout life.

A year ago, I would have scoffed at loud children in the parks or malls. I'd cringe at seeing baby strollers getting in my way at the airport. And I'd heartlessly dismiss students who delay their education because they had children. But today I view the world with a sharpened perspective.

I come home each day to an empty apartment (ok, I do have roommates, but they are neither my significant other or children). During these disappointing moments of increased awareness of my longing for children, I feel as if my heart is about to burst...not from pain, but because I feel that I have enormous amounts of love to share and pour upon others, but no one to benefit.

About five years ago, I was told that I would hold many lofty and powerful titles upon this earth, but nothing would be more precious to me than being called "daddy." One day, right?

Today, especially, I am grateful for a father who has taught me so much throughout my life and encouraged me to achieve the best. I hope one day, with the eternal title of father, to be able to do the same.